| What you are about to read is directed to those | | | | both parties to feel some frustration. The problem is |
| who suffer from back pain and those who love | | | | that neither of them is trying to see things from the |
| them. Much of what I'm going to tell you can be | | | | other's point of view. In these situations, it is critical |
| useful in all aspects of your life and for any difficult | | | | to communicate your feelings to each other. |
| situation you may face. | | | | That's why I'm going to approach this from a |
| When dealing with serious back pain, you have to | | | | different perspective-one that people inside the |
| realize that your condition is going to have an impact | | | | situation often find harder to see. If this advice |
| on everyone around you and that it will be toughest | | | | means more coming from an outsider, that's great. |
| on the one you love. | | | | You may want to print out this article and kindly hand |
| I got an e-mail this morning and could not stand to | | | | it to your loved one. Even if you don't, be sure to at |
| go another day without telling you my thoughts. | | | | least ask them these two questions: |
| Believe me, this question is not unique. Please read | | | | - Can you live the rest of your life expecting to get |
| the following e-mail, and then I'll give you my | | | | better? |
| response: | | | | - Are you willing do what it takes to get better? |
| Steve, | | | | Change your mind-change the outcome |
| My husband recently had a severe flare-up caused by | | | | The direct answer to this woman's e-mail is, "No, I |
| a herniated disc. He's had it for five years. Now it's in | | | | can't help your husband because he hasn't taken |
| both sides of his body, from his back to his toes. He | | | | responsibility for making improvements in his life." I |
| is using a scooter to get around. He cannot walk and | | | | would much rather have gotten an e-mail directly |
| is hunched over at the waist with severe pain. He is | | | | from him, telling me about all the things he has tried |
| currently taking three meds: Motrin, Vicodin, and | | | | and celebrating even the smallest gains he was able |
| Flexeril. They help very little! He has been seen by his | | | | to achieve through his efforts. |
| doctor, and he will have an MRI plus physical therapy. | | | | Both of them-and maybe even you and your loved |
| Can you help him? | | | | one-will continue to struggle until they find that one |
| What this poor lady must be going through | | | | trigger that motivates or inspires them. Exactly what |
| As you see, the e-mail starts with "My husband"-and | | | | it is or where it will come from I don't know. What I |
| that's the first problem. Why is this man's wife the | | | | do know is that the sooner they start looking, the |
| one who's searching for a solution? When I said that | | | | sooner they'll find it. |
| a health problem is sometimes harder on the partner, | | | | A different way to think |
| I'm sure I was telling many of you something you | | | | Regardless of the severity of your condition and the |
| already knew. Those who care for a person with a | | | | amount of progress you are making, it is up to you |
| health problem go through the same fear, anger, and | | | | and you alone to find the inner strength to continue. |
| frustration-they just don't have the pain. | | | | You must abandon the "What can YOU do for ME" |
| One reason is that when people have been suffering | | | | attitude. Try to think differently, keeping the |
| for a long time, they tend to give up. Or the system | | | | following two principles in mind: |
| just wears them down. Unfortunately, the more | | | | 1) There's a difference between knowing and |
| depressed the person with the health problem gets, | | | | believing.It's really a difference of degree. Believing in |
| the harder the loved one must work to find the Holy | | | | something, say, being 100 percent free of back pain, |
| Grail--that one miraculous thing that will help. | | | | is fine. But if you simply believe it will happen and |
| What usually happens is that the loved one learns to | | | | then have a setback or flare-up, you'll find yourself |
| adapt to the changes and accepts that things will | | | | doubting or questioning that belief on some level. On |
| never get better. That's why success is so rare. | | | | the other hand, knowing that you're going to get 100 |
| Knowing but not doing | | | | percent relief will help you get through the inevitable |
| The second sentence of the e-mail lets us know that | | | | ups and downs. So live knowing. |
| this has been an issue in this couple's life for five | | | | 2) Live with expectancy. |
| years. The fourth sentence confirms that the | | | | You should go through each day confident that you |
| husband has adapted to change and has allowed the | | | | are going to get better and stay healthy. It starts |
| system to accommodate his needs. The use of the | | | | with your thoughts and the words you use. These |
| scooter is a clear example of this. This man most | | | | will affect your actions. For example, if you haven't |
| likely did not just wake up one morning and discover | | | | been able to do something you love for a very long |
| that he could not walk. My bet is that this was a | | | | time, tell yourself you're going to be doing it on a |
| steady decline over a five-year period. | | | | specific date in the future. Talk to everyone about it. |
| Do you think that if the husband had taken any | | | | Read books and watch videos about it. Fill your mind |
| initiative, he could have kept himself out of a | | | | with the joy of it. Then begin to prepare for it. Dust |
| scooter? I do. I've been in the health care profession | | | | off that fishing pole. Clean that bike. Go buy that |
| for 16 years, and I have seen only a handful of back | | | | new pair of running shoes and have them sitting |
| pain sufferers resort to a scooter for mobility. | | | | where you can see them every day to remind you |
| In fact, the worst case I have ever seen was a | | | | that you expect to run again. |
| 100-year-old woman who was bent in half from her | | | | Immediate steps to take |
| rib cage. Her entire upper body was parallel to the | | | | - Change the way you think and feel about your |
| floor, and she could not see more than three feet | | | | situation. |
| ahead of where she was walking. But she was | | | | - Allow others to help you, even if they are not |
| walking. And she remained active until she died. | | | | professionals. |
| Have you heard me say, 'Don't just treat the | | | | - Do not give in or let the system beat you down. |
| symptoms'? | | | | - Recognize small gains as progress and hope that |
| Again, it's my bet that when the pain first started, | | | | you are getting better. |
| the husband was not on three different pain | | | | - Treat both the symptoms and the cause of your |
| medications at the same time. Chances are, he went | | | | condition. |
| back to his physician and demanded more and | | | | Please don't let five years pass without taking |
| stronger pain killers. News flash-medications don't help | | | | responsibility for your recovery. If you are suffering |
| the condition get any better. | | | | now, you will only continue to suffer unless you |
| The worst part about suffering with a condition for | | | | educate yourself and take action. |
| so long is that the husband has come to believe that | | | | Regardless of the answers you get to the two |
| his condition is so bad now that the only one who | | | | questions above, your partner will now understand |
| can help him is a medical professional. He has turned a | | | | the pain you've been feeling without your having to |
| deaf ear to everything the wife might suggest, which | | | | say it. Sometimes, being honest with each other is |
| may be causing harm to their relationship. | | | | the most powerful demonstration of love. I don't |
| Help others by helping yourself | | | | mean to minimize your situation. It may be extremely |
| The truth is, there are a lot of people who could help | | | | difficult for this man to live his life, but as long as |
| him. But it's not going to happen until he first decides | | | | both of you live expectantly, you can never fail. |
| to help himself. Did his wife do anything wrong? No. | | | | Lecture's over, as my dad would say |
| Could she have done anything differently? Maybe, | | | | No matter how bad you problem is, there is a |
| but it probably wouldn't have changed things. | | | | solution. So live knowing you will get better. Live |
| It is also important to understand that it's natural for | | | | expecting to get better. |