| What you are about to read is directed to
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| | it's natural for both parties to feel
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| those who suffer from back pain and those
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| | some frustration. The problem is that
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| who love them. Much of what I'm going to
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| | neither of them is trying to see things
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| tell you can be useful in all aspects of
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| | from the other's point of view. In these
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| your life and for any difficult situation
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| | situations, it is critical to communicate
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| you may face.
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| | your feelings to each other.
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| When dealing with serious back pain, you
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| | That's why I'm going to approach this
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| have to realize that your condition is
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| | from a different perspective-one that
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| going to have an impact on everyone
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| | people inside the situation often find
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| around you and that it will be toughest
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| | harder to see. If this advice means more
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| on the one you love.
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| | coming from an outsider, that's great.
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| I got an e-mail this morning and could
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| | You may want to print out this article
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| not stand to go another day without
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| | and kindly hand it to your loved one.
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| telling you my thoughts. Believe me, this
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| | Even if you don't, be sure to at least
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| question is not unique. Please read the
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| | ask them these two questions:
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| following e-mail, and then I'll give you
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| | - Can you live the rest of your life
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| my response:
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| | expecting to get better?
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| Steve,
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| | - Are you willing do what it takes to get
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| My husband recently had a severe flare-up
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| | better?
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| caused by a herniated disc. He's had it
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| | Change your mind-change the outcome
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| for five years. Now it's in both sides of
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| | The direct answer to this woman's e-mail
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| his body, from his back to his toes. He
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| | is, "No, I can't help your husband
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| is using a scooter to get around. He
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| | because he hasn't taken responsibility
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| cannot walk and is hunched over at the
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| | for making improvements in his life." I
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| waist with severe pain. He is currently
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| | would much rather have gotten an e-mail
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| taking three meds: Motrin, Vicodin, and
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| | directly from him, telling me about all
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| Flexeril. They help very little! He has
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| | the things he has tried and celebrating
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| been seen by his doctor, and he will have
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| | even the smallest gains he was able to
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| an MRI plus physical therapy. Can you
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| | achieve through his efforts.
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| help him?
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| | Both of them-and maybe even you and your
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| What this poor lady must be going through
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| | loved one-will continue to struggle until
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| As you see, the e-mail starts with "My
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| | they find that one trigger that motivates
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| husband"-and that's the first problem.
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| | or inspires them. Exactly what it is or
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| Why is this man's wife the one who's
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| | where it will come from I don't know.
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| searching for a solution? When I said
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| | What I do know is that the sooner they
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| that a health problem is sometimes harder
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| | start looking, the sooner they'll find
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| on the partner, I'm sure I was telling
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| | it.
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| many of you something you already knew.
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| | A different way to think
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| Those who care for a person with a health
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| | Regardless of the severity of your
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| problem go through the same fear, anger,
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| | condition and the amount of progress you
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| and frustration-they just don't have the
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| | are making, it is up to you and you alone
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| pain.
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| | to find the inner strength to continue.
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| One reason is that when people have been
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| | You must abandon the "What can YOU do for
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| suffering for a long time, they tend to
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| | ME" attitude. Try to think differently,
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| give up. Or the system just wears them
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| | keeping the following two principles in
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| down. Unfortunately, the more depressed
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| | mind:
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| the person with the health problem gets,
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| | 1) There's a difference between knowing
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| the harder the loved one must work to
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| | and believing.It's really a difference of
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| find the Holy Grail--that one miraculous
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| | degree. Believing in something, say,
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| thing that will help.
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| | being 100 percent free of back pain, is
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| What usually happens is that the loved
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| | fine. But if you simply believe it will
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| one learns to adapt to the changes and
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| | happen and then have a setback or
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| accepts that things will never get
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| | flare-up, you'll find yourself doubting
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| better. That's why success is so rare.
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| | or questioning that belief on some level.
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| Knowing but not doing
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| | On the other hand, knowing that you're
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| The second sentence of the e-mail lets us
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| | going to get 100 percent relief will help
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| know that this has been an issue in this
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| | you get through the inevitable ups and
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| couple's life for five years. The fourth
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| | downs. So live knowing.
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| sentence confirms that the husband has
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| | 2) Live with expectancy.
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| adapted to change and has allowed the
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| | You should go through each day confident
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| system to accommodate his needs. The use
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| | that you are going to get better and stay
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| of the scooter is a clear example of
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| | healthy. It starts with your thoughts and
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| this. This man most likely did not just
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| | the words you use. These will affect your
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| wake up one morning and discover that he
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| | actions. For example, if you haven't been
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| could not walk. My bet is that this was a
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| | able to do something you love for a very
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| steady decline over a five-year period.
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| | long time, tell yourself you're going to
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| Do you think that if the husband had
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| | be doing it on a specific date in the
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| taken any initiative, he could have kept
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| | future. Talk to everyone about it. Read
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| himself out of a scooter? I do. I've been
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| | books and watch videos about it. Fill
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| in the health care profession for 16
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| | your mind with the joy of it. Then begin
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| years, and I have seen only a handful of
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| | to prepare for it. Dust off that fishing
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| back pain sufferers resort to a scooter
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| | pole. Clean that bike. Go buy that new
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| for mobility.
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| | pair of running shoes and have them
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| In fact, the worst case I have ever seen
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| | sitting where you can see them every day
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| was a 100-year-old woman who was bent in
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| | to remind you that you expect to run
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| half from her rib cage. Her entire upper
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| | again.
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| body was parallel to the floor, and she
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| | Immediate steps to take
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| could not see more than three feet ahead
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| | - Change the way you think and feel about
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| of where she was walking. But she was
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| | your situation.
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| walking. And she remained active until
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| | - Allow others to help you, even if they
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| she died.
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| | are not professionals.
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| Have you heard me say, 'Don't just treat
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| | - Do not give in or let the system beat
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| the symptoms'?
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| | you down.
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| Again, it's my bet that when the pain
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| | - Recognize small gains as progress and
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| first started, the husband was not on
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| | hope that you are getting better.
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| three different pain medications at the
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| | - Treat both the symptoms and the cause
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| same time. Chances are, he went back to
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| | of your condition.
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| his physician and demanded more and
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| | Please don't let five years pass without
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| stronger pain killers. News
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| | taking responsibility for your recovery.
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| flash-medications don't help the
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| | If you are suffering now, you will only
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| condition get any better.
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| | continue to suffer unless you educate
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| The worst part about suffering with a
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| | yourself and take action.
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| condition for so long is that the husband
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| | Regardless of the answers you get to the
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| has come to believe that his condition is
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| | two questions above, your partner will
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| so bad now that the only one who can help
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| | now understand the pain you've been
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| him is a medical professional. He has
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| | feeling without your having to say it.
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| turned a deaf ear to everything the wife
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| | Sometimes, being honest with each other
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| might suggest, which may be causing harm
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| | is the most powerful demonstration of
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| to their relationship.
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| | love. I don't mean to minimize your
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| Help others by helping yourself
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| | situation. It may be extremely difficult
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| The truth is, there are a lot of people
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| | for this man to live his life, but as
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| who could help him. But it's not going to
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| | long as both of you live expectantly, you
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| happen until he first decides to help
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| | can never fail.
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| himself. Did his wife do anything wrong?
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| | Lecture's over, as my dad would say
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| No. Could she have done anything
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| | No matter how bad you problem is, there
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| differently? Maybe, but it probably
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| | is a solution. So live knowing you will
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| wouldn't have changed things.
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| | get better. Live expecting to get better.
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| It is also important to understand that
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|
